Here I am! Here I am! Summer, Summer! Look, Summer! Summer! Summer! I'm here! Over heeeeere! Summer, we're both here, and you won't look at me, and even though you just got here, I know you're already getting ready to leave...
It's been / I've been that way -- a blue-grey, anxious, nothing's quite right way -- these past few months. Lost, longing, lightly crusted in funk.
However, I'm not mired, I'm not wallowing: with lots of deep breaths and sighs, I tap, tap, tap the dullness away with thwacks of television, consumerism, random busy-ness.
Then ambivalence returns. Sets its jaw. Gnaws.
I glance over, nod my head, complete my chores regardless.
I keep myself going: cooking, "homemaking," working out, playing with dogs, reading, and, of course, working.
My hope is that July brings more: more writing, more picture-taking, more crafty projects.
We've arrived: holiday weekend, many "musts":
Paint flower pots. Plant flowers. Drive bikes to repair. Purchase a fire bowl, wood, outdoor chairs. Hire dog sitter. Attempt relaxation.
None of these "musts" are truly necessary. I could let any / all fly away. Regardless, I'll likely feel bluish, greyish, maybe blue-grey -- in any case, I will simply observe and push forward.
If I had three goals:
Goal number one: push, push, push. Goal number two: discover what I'm pushing. Goal number three: decide where I'm pushing it.
And a fourth goal: don't stop to ponder for too long. Pondering is quicksand; I don't want to get trapped.
